That time I had cookies for dinner

 

 

Lately I have been thinking about a random situation that occurred a few years ago during the start of my post-divorce dating life. I guess it was more than a few years ago now since it was the fall 2009/winter 2010 time period but really, whenever it was, I still recall it like yesterday.

The time I had cookies for dinner has become a defining moment for me even if it sounds a bit silly on the surface.

Let me explain.

My boyfriend (first boyfriend post-divorce) kept me waiting a super long time for dinner. If you know me, you know I must eat 20 minutes before I say I am hungry so keeping me waiting is not smart for anyone.

But saying he kept me waiting isn’t the right way to phrase the situation now. Instead, I now see this situation as I allowed him to keep me waiting.

He didn’t care enough to say he would be late and when I texted him politely to see what the deal was. He was delayed and rude in his response, a response that still didn’t answer the question as to what time he would arrive to take me to dinner.

I had a few choices that evening, choices I didn’t see then but see now.

  1. I should have told him I am hungry, will be eating now but will happily see you later for dessert.
  2. I should have simply eaten dinner, not caring what he thought. Why the heck was I waiting for someone if I was hungry, especially since he wasn’t giving me an estimated time for his arrival?
  3. I should have realized right then and there that he was being a complete jerk because he was a jerk. This situation was just the start of the downhill pattern which I think I knew subconsciously but didn’t want to acknowledge. I should have eaten dinner and done my own thing that night, not even opening the door for him when he finally arrived.

What did I do instead?

I had two homemade chocolate chip cookies (because I used to bake ALL OF THE TIME) as I paced the house complaining on the phone to various friends who would listen to me ramble about the nerve of him for keeping me waiting. The nerve of him to drive me to eat chocolate chip cookies for dinner. The nerve of him for not texting or calling to say he was running late and for not giving me the polite response I deserved when I reached out to him.

I recall that when he finally showed up to take me to dinner at Blackstone, instead of telling him why I was annoyed, I sat with a puss on my face, answered him with quick, obnoxious responses and I am pretty sure I refused to eat even though I probably wanted my favorite sushi rolls.

What was the point of behaving like that? Did it solve anything?

Passive aggressive isn’t cute. It doesn’t announce to the world that you are a force to be reckoned with and certainly doesn’t display confidence or maturity. It also doesn’t show that you are capable of standing up for yourself and what you believe in.

I believe in eating when I am hungry and no one has ever come between me and my appetite again.

Of course there are exceptions. If we have plans and something comes up, certainly I may wait for you if proper notice and conversation takes place. If I want to that is. It’s completely okay for me to be honest about the fact that I am hungry now and do not want to wait to eat.

The important people in your life will respect you more for speaking up for yourself and what matters to you. If they don’t like it, they really aren’t that important.

Since that dating after divorce experience, I have taught those around me to respect my appetite as you can see in this text.

text

I am no dating expert (that’s for sure) but I have learned a lot since 2010 and most importantly, haven’t gone hungry since.

that time I had cookies for dinner #divorce #dating #cookies Click To Tweet

Ever resorted to chocolate chip cookies for dinner?

Do you look back on past relationships and wonder what you were thinking?

Do the people around you know your appetite and respect it?

 

 

Follow on Bloglovin

Comments

  1. says

    I get really grumpy when I am hungry and tired. Those are the 2 things Rob knows to look out for. He has really been my only “adult” relationship (we started dating when I was 21 and I didn’t have a boyfriend in college) so I don’t feel like those issues came up with anyone else. Or at least I don’t remember that long ago! I’m glad that you figured out that it was a deal breaker and have set your standard higher since then!
    Lisa @ Running Out Of Wine recently posted…My Mind is My Own Worst EnemyMy Profile

  2. says

    When either my daughter or I am hungry watch out!!! Everyone knows don’t keep us waiting because the mood turns chilly!!! I agree with what you wrote and feel the same way. It is definitely a respect issue. I eat early because I get up early and am active. I don’t owe anyone explanations. I am perfectly clear that I eat early and f it’s a problem, I don’t mind eating on my own and meeting up later. I actually prefer it. I have friends that eat dinner when I am easy to go to bed–we obviously never din together.

  3. says

    Ryan knows that I get cranky and unfocused when hungry. He’s put up with it a lot over the past five years and knows how to handle it. He was my only actual adult relationship – we started dating when I was 21 and were married at 25. I’m glad you’ve set higher standards – you deserve a good guy!
    Laura @ This Runner’s Recipes recently posted…4 Myths about Racing WeightMy Profile

  4. Vivienne says

    I am the exact same way. If I’m hungry, I’m going to eat because my stomach waits for no one and my husband knows it! (ha, ha) Luckily, he and my two sons are pretty agreeable when it comes to that, because they’re always ready to eat no matter what time of day. ^-^

    • says

      I do like cookies for dinner when they are my choice – that night those cookies became dinner because I was waiting for him so I couldn’t even enjoy them. although I should really start baking again!

  6. says

    HA HA HA omg I could answer all three of those questions but it would take me hours; I have so much to say! First of all, I choose to eat chocolate chip cookies for dinner. And on a sidenote, I have social anxiety issues when it comes to eating with people because the dinners at home growing up were so stressful for me. Also, if someone made me wait for dinner, I’d totally just start in on a bottle of wine and then depending on how long they took was how drunk I’d get! LOL I know you don’t drink tho. 🙂 You’re right, passive aggressive isn’t cute. It’s fun sometimes though.
    Suzy recently posted…Week in ReviewMy Profile

  7. says

    It is interesting how appetite and relationships do go hand in hand, and I usually just eat a snack instead of driving my stomach to insanity before dinner or driving my family insane by rushing dinner preparation along. It’s totally okay to snack it out, so that hungriness doesn’t drive me to do crazy things. O_O
    Emily recently posted…Why Not Every Workout Has to Be ToughMy Profile

  8. Anne says

    Ha–I look back at my ex-husband and wonder what I was thinking! Actually, no–I know I was too young to get married, but everyone around me was telling me it the right thing to do, and I was too preoccupied with finishing my PhD to notice how many things were just not right about that relationship (including him not respecting my appetite–he wanted me to be eating all the crap he liked–bar food & pizza–but still look like a supermodel). In terms of respecting my appetite, my boyfriend now probably thinks my eating habits are weird (and we eat totally the opposite foods–no meat and very little dairy for me while he loves anything meat or cheese-based), but he does respect them! He’ll happily chow down at a restaurant (like a burger place where I can’t find much to eat) and then go with me to one that has food I can eat (and he’ll still eat some my food)!

  10. says

    People who know me well know that if I’m crabby, there’s an 85% chance I’m hungry and about a 15% chance that something bigger is actually wrong. 🙂 I’ve definitely done baked goods for dinner, but that’s usually by active choice or simply a function of the fact that I just baked something and don’t feel like cooking something else.
    And that relationship sounds an awful lot like my first relationship. Everything looked perfect to most people, but it so totally wasn’t. I was constantly waiting for him to respond to my texts when he was late, putting off dinner with my family, waiting to eat a snack because we were supposed to go out for dessert, etc. It was only after our breakup and when I started talking about all those little things with other people that I realized that wasn’t normal at all. I’m much better about speaking up for myself now, though, so good things came out of it.
    Ellen @ My Uncommon Everyday recently posted…Addictive Energy Trail Mix (+ 5 Fun Ways to Enjoy Trail Mix)My Profile

  11. says

    Oh god I can relate to this story. There was a time where I would literally scream at my parents because I was hungry and they’d tell me to eat a snack. Now I just eat one without saying anything. It took awhile for my last boyfriend to understand my need to eat dinner at an early time. I don’t love snacking because I get so hungry that I end up eating a full meal and I’m no longer hungry for dinner. But I’ve reached a point where I don’t freak out at other people. If they don’t want to eat that early, I just eat. And in some cases, I do need to have a snack. But if someone won’t even tell you an ETA, then they’re not worth waiting for anyways.
    Sarah @pickyrunner recently posted…Daybreaker PartyMy Profile

  12. Amanda says

    Ha! Yes, I get super HANGRY and my husband knows this and respects (umm, tolerates??!!) it. If he knows we won’t be eating until later than usual, he’ll tell me to have a snack…for everyone’s sake!

    Cookies for dinner is always a good idea! And yeah, I’ve done my fair share of “what the heck was I thinking?!” when looking back at past relationships…especially post-divorce. I can def relate to making some cringe-worthy dating decisions after my divorce. Thank goodness for the maturity and confidence that comes with being older and wiser!

  14. says

    LOL I am EXACTLY like you in that I need to eat 20 minutes before I say I’m hungry. Like, I can be totally fine, but as soon as the hunger hits, it REALLY hits, and I transform into a different person. I actually have this theory that people who work out a lot are much hangrier than less active people because whenever my mom and I are both hungry, I’m the one who’s FREAKING OUT, and she’s calm as a cucumber.
    And I so relate to the rudeness of someone keeping you waiting. Had a similar situation with my dad where he and I had plans for brunch so I didn’t have breakfast and ended up waiting until about 12:30, hungrily calling and getting voicemail, before I finally said screw it and ate a giant bowl of oatmeal and told him I no longer am in the mood for brunch that day. Sometimes you’ve just gotta be real about how hurtful a person’s actions are, so that they know to never do that to you or anyone else again.
    Nicole @ Laughing My Abs Off recently posted…What I Wish I’d Known Before Starting My Freshman Year of CollegeMy Profile