Lately I have been thinking about a random situation that occurred a few years ago during the start of my post-divorce dating life. I guess it was more than a few years ago now since it was the fall 2009/winter 2010 time period but really, whenever it was, I still recall it like yesterday.
The time I had cookies for dinner has become a defining moment for me even if it sounds a bit silly on the surface.
Let me explain.
My boyfriend (first boyfriend post-divorce) kept me waiting a super long time for dinner. If you know me, you know I must eat 20 minutes before I say I am hungry so keeping me waiting is not smart for anyone.
But saying he kept me waiting isn’t the right way to phrase the situation now. Instead, I now see this situation as I allowed him to keep me waiting.
He didn’t care enough to say he would be late and when I texted him politely to see what the deal was. He was delayed and rude in his response, a response that still didn’t answer the question as to what time he would arrive to take me to dinner.
I had a few choices that evening, choices I didn’t see then but see now.
- I should have told him I am hungry, will be eating now but will happily see you later for dessert.
- I should have simply eaten dinner, not caring what he thought. Why the heck was I waiting for someone if I was hungry, especially since he wasn’t giving me an estimated time for his arrival?
- I should have realized right then and there that he was being a complete jerk because he was a jerk. This situation was just the start of the downhill pattern which I think I knew subconsciously but didn’t want to acknowledge. I should have eaten dinner and done my own thing that night, not even opening the door for him when he finally arrived.
What did I do instead?
I had two homemade chocolate chip cookies (because I used to bake ALL OF THE TIME) as I paced the house complaining on the phone to various friends who would listen to me ramble about the nerve of him for keeping me waiting. The nerve of him to drive me to eat chocolate chip cookies for dinner. The nerve of him for not texting or calling to say he was running late and for not giving me the polite response I deserved when I reached out to him.
I recall that when he finally showed up to take me to dinner at Blackstone, instead of telling him why I was annoyed, I sat with a puss on my face, answered him with quick, obnoxious responses and I am pretty sure I refused to eat even though I probably wanted my favorite sushi rolls.
What was the point of behaving like that? Did it solve anything?
Passive aggressive isn’t cute. It doesn’t announce to the world that you are a force to be reckoned with and certainly doesn’t display confidence or maturity. It also doesn’t show that you are capable of standing up for yourself and what you believe in.
I believe in eating when I am hungry and no one has ever come between me and my appetite again.
Of course there are exceptions. If we have plans and something comes up, certainly I may wait for you if proper notice and conversation takes place. If I want to that is. It’s completely okay for me to be honest about the fact that I am hungry now and do not want to wait to eat.
The important people in your life will respect you more for speaking up for yourself and what matters to you. If they don’t like it, they really aren’t that important.
Since that dating after divorce experience, I have taught those around me to respect my appetite as you can see in this text.
I am no dating expert (that’s for sure) but I have learned a lot since 2010 and most importantly, haven’t gone hungry since.that time I had cookies for dinner #divorce #dating #cookies Click To Tweet
Ever resorted to chocolate chip cookies for dinner?
Do you look back on past relationships and wonder what you were thinking?
Do the people around you know your appetite and respect it?