The further away I get from my divorce, the harder it becomes to write on the subject. What I went through was awful and it is not ever forgotten but it’s so far behind me that I do not think about the details unless something triggers it.
The other day I realized that it’s almost exactly ten years ago that my life went from happy housewife to Oh my goodness what the heck is going on?!
Ten years ago right now we had just closed on our new house and were in the process of having lots of beautiful work done before we made the move.
My biggest issue in life was what type of lighting fixture should I hang in the closet area that led to my son’s bathroom. Seriously, I think about this completely unimportant issue I had all of the time!
As I think about the life that doesn’t even feel like it was my own at this point, I often wonder lately if I realized that my son’s Bar Mitzvah was ten years in the future.
When my son was born, I was already planning my dress for his Bar Mitzvah but I can’t really say that ten years ago, in 2006, that I was actively realizing that his affair would be in 2016.
It’s a good thing too. Had I thought about his Bar Mitzvah much during the years of my divorce, I may not have made it to this point in one sane piece.
Planning a Bar Mitzvah is as big of a deal as planning a wedding (if not more intricate with details) and doing such planning when you are divorced can really be a HUGE emotional disaster.
Over the last few years, if the topic of the Bar Mitzvah came up in passing, my immediate response was, I am NOT ready to talk about it yet.
Hoping, that when the time came, I would find the way to not only talk about it but plan it with ease.
I am in the heart of the planning process right now.
A few months ago I was having recurring bad dreams about the Bar Mitzvah that were stressing me out in my sleep. It was the worst way to be planning a Bar Mitzvah. Every decision I was making, every deposit check I was writing, even when I found my dress, all overshadowed by the looming negative.
It was time to deal with this negative, this certain aspect of my divorce that although I had moved past in my every day life would be brought back to me at the Bar Mitzvah, attempting to collide with my happiness once again and the happiness of the milestone moment in our lives.
If you know me by now, you know that I do not stress things. Stress and anxiety are not words in my vocabulary so for this to bother me it’s a big deal.
I briefly explored a few options that I thought would make things better until I realized that the options and solutions I was coming up with were only going to stress me out further and instill a negative vibe throughout the process.
I realized right then and there that the best thing for me to do was LET GO of what was bothering me in order to enjoy the planning and the actual Bar Mitzvah.
This doesn’t mean I am forgiving or forgetting — I am simply letting it go. There’s a major difference here, one I keep repeating to myself.
I cannot begin to tell you how freeing the let go feeling was immediately.
I haven’t had another bad dream since and the weight that has been lifted off my shoulders is remarkable. I informed those close to me of my let go decisions and have asked them to follow suit.
It takes incredible strength to say I am going to LET GO and actually do so.
Believe me when I say that this decision of mine was not easy to make and one of the hardest things I will have to do in my lifetime. It may also not be the way that I want it but I choose positive over negative because it feels better.
If you refuse to give in to the negative, if you take a minute to say, “This is a big deal to me but is it really that big of a deal? Can I try to make it small stuff and then not sweat it?”, most of the time, you will see that it is small stuff. If you allow it to be.
I am now enjoying every step of the planning as I should be.
Our major vendors are booked, the theme is in place and logos have been designed. I am currently working on selecting the lounge furniture and building the floorplan layout in my AllSeated account (if you are planning a wedding or other event, I totally recommend AllSeated not just because I work for them but because the planning tool is awesome and free too!), invitations and décor are up next.
On the day of the affair, I will absolutely not allow anything or anyone to bother me. Just telling myself this is powerful enough to make me believe it.
Even if I have moments of doubt, I know that my attitude towards my son’s Bar Mitzvah is the best thing for him too. He deserves to have a drama free, stress free and happy affair, just like anyone else and exactly like I have raised him. This is how I would have wanted it if my parents were divorced and by putting myself in the child’s shoes, I am able to keep going with my planning as a happy divorced mom, even if I never imagined this would be my situation.Letting it go #divorce #barmitzvah #allseated #eventplanning #letitgo Click To Tweet
Anyone else currently planning a big event? A wedding? Bar Mitzvah? Anything?!
Are you good at letting things go?
Do you remember your dreams often?