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My Anniversary After Divorce

 

My son asked me the other day if he can stay home from school the day before his Bar Mitzvah (October 2016).

He is totally planning ahead and I totally said um okay to put an end to the conversation but the conversation didn’t end there. He then asked what he thinks we will do all day the Saturday of his Bar Mitzvah since the service and affair both take place in the evening.

I paused for a moment before telling him that we can always take an early morning spin class, just like I did, the Saturday morning of my wedding day back on November 17, 2001.

wedding dress

I tell you about that spin class memory every year on this date because as this November 17th anniversary date looms each year, I am faced with various memories and emotions, each year slightly different from the last.

This year in particular has been a bit different. Maybe it was my PMS hormones last week, maybe it’s because I am planning my son’s Bar Mitzvah, or maybe simply because it’s just another year removed from the divorce process, it’s all just a little more bittersweet.

When I am not writing this blog, I am writing about weddings for AllSeated and really love every single second of every single detail.

I whole-heartedly love wedding stuff and I still get real excited to talk to new brides, to brainstorm and create bridal and event industry articles, to see and pin the latest wedding trends…it always brings up the happiest sides of my wedding/married memories.

wedding

Ah the rose in each napkin! It was such a nice place setting touch.

I can’t help but reflect on my own wedding lately, especially as I am running because running brings things out, thinking about how beautiful my dress was and how I would choose it all over again. That the flowers in our centerpieces were just what I wanted and the food, ohh the food.

I still recall the seven kinds of various chocolate cakes available on the Viennese table along with the actual wedding cake and a ton of other desserts.

wedding cake

I also can’t help but play the What If game, stopping myself immediately because the What If game is a complete waste of time, a real zero in the productive thought department.

Although we can learn from experiences, we cannot beat ourselves up for things that have already transpired.

As I get older, I get better at walking away from what doesn’t work for me and listening to my intuition the first time it speaks to me.

As I think back on my marriage and divorce though, I can honestly say that I didn’t go against my intuition, that I absolutely did all that I could to save my marriage and I will never regret that.

My first response will always be that I did not want my divorce yet the experience and process strengthened me in so many ways. It taught me a lot about life and money, that the American Dream of beautiful homes and handbags will not equal happiness and maybe most importantly, I learned that one really can do really hard things even when you really don’t want to do them at all.

Sometimes it’s hard to look at the wedding photos and see my innocent face but I refuse to ignore this date like it never happened. It was such a wonderful time in life that to ignore it or dread it just seems so silly.

my wedding

If divorce is the worst thing I ever go through, I am one lucky girl. So much in life is out of our control but if you have your health, then anything else is really just a minor inconvenience <- try telling that to someone in the midst of their divorce!

Looking back on my anniversary after divorce #marriage #weddings #divorce Click To Tweet

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Tell me again what kind of wedding cake you had at your wedding?

Does running bring out thoughts that maybe you don’t want to think about?

What’s on the workout agenda for today?

 

 

 

 

 

 

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  • Lisa @ Running Out Of Wine November 17, 2015, 6:40 am

    Running definitely brings out all the intense, difficult thoughts that I would probably avoid otherwise. While no one wants their marriage to end in divorce, sometimes its for the best. And it sounds like you were able to learn so much from the experience, that in the end it only made you stronger. I could imagine this day being strange/difficult, but I do think its important to reflect on what we have been through, even if that means thinking about the not-so-good stuff once in awhile.
    Lisa @ Running Out Of Wine recently posted…Route 66 Marathon Training Week 15My Profile

    • The Cookie ChRUNicles November 18, 2015, 4:24 pm

      It’s good to think about things and work them through rather than not deal at all, you know? It was a really hard time once and I think that’s what always gets me. It was so hard and now I am so ok.

  • Jessie November 17, 2015, 6:54 am

    What a beautifully written post. Your words expressed how strong of a woman and mother you are. I love that although your marriage didn’t work out until the very end, you are still able to take positives away from such an important day. That’s just simply amazing!

  • Michele @ paleorunningmomma November 17, 2015, 7:06 am

    Yup, running brings it all out, kind of like dreaming except you remember more of it. Definitely not something to look back on with any bad feelings, sure, you know what happens afterwards, but it doesn’t have to take away from what the moment/day was at the time.
    Michele @ paleorunningmomma recently posted…Sausage Tomato Basil Frittata {Paleo & Whole30}My Profile

    • The Cookie ChRUNicles November 18, 2015, 4:19 pm

      Yes! Just like a dream sometimes, sometimes I forget that I am running altogether. Good thing I don’t really run on a road so I don’t have to pay attention to the cars lol

  • Susie @ SuzLyfe November 17, 2015, 7:31 am

    Perhaps that is why I am so superficial at the moment–no running. Just absorbing this post at the moment. Divorce is a terrible thing, but sometimes, terrible things lead to the best outcomes.
    Susie @ SuzLyfe recently posted…Dealing with Injury: When A Running Coach Can’t RunMy Profile

  • Katie @ katisfitscript November 17, 2015, 7:57 am

    Oh Meredith, how powerful this post was! I definitely remember my cake at my wedding, and that my cake was crooked because I went cheap and looked like it was the leaning tower of pisa. I’m so thankful for women like you are willing to share their feelings, and I know that today isn’t easy!
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    • The Cookie ChRUNicles November 18, 2015, 4:18 pm

      Hahaha this cracked me up! Leaning tower of pisa. I hope that it tasted good!

  • Gretchen | Gretchruns November 17, 2015, 8:53 am

    You are such a strong woman Meredith! And so graceful- most people would either ignore this all together, or would go about bashing their ex. You’re handling everything so well. By the way, has anyone ever told you that you look like Renee Zellweiger (however you spell her name). I never saw it before, but in these pictures I’m like WOAHHHHH. Maybe it’s because I just watched Bridget Jones but you’re her twin!
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    • The Cookie ChRUNicles November 17, 2015, 9:55 am

      OMG yes! Especially back in the late 90’s – 2000’s, Renee and I were twins lol. Bridget Jones and Jerry Maquire were the main movies where she totally looked like me! I get it all of the time, so you were right on track

  • Jamie November 17, 2015, 9:20 am

    Wonderful post – thank you so much for sharing. I often times find myself thinking about tough topics when I run, or conversations I’ve had where maybe I should have spoken up more. Running definitely provides me a great time to think and reflect, however I sometimes run to escape my own thoughts and turn my brain off.

    I have not been married, but I 100% plan on a red velvet cake. And if I can, I will eat the whole thing.
    Jamie recently posted…Hot Oil 5K Recap & Running ThingsMy Profile

  • Alyssa @ renaissancerunnergirl November 17, 2015, 9:49 am

    Running really does clarify everything. I needed that today (unfortunately an early meeting meant no time for it, but there’s always tomorrow!) and your photos are just gorgeous. If/when I’m lucky enough to meet the right person, I want a gluten free funfetti wedding cake, I don’t care that sprinkles are for birthdays.
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    • The Cookie ChRUNicles November 17, 2015, 1:16 pm

      And I think that you deserve a funfetti cake if that is what you want. Wedding cakes are all about the bride!

  • Sarah @pickyrunner November 17, 2015, 10:20 am

    Love this post! You have such a great outlook on everything and although I obviously can’t relate to divorce (or marriage), I think this can apply to other situations as well. It is the happiest time of your life, so you might as well look back on the good parts and remember that special day!

    And yes, running is where I think about all the tough times. This morning was perfect for that ha
    Sarah @pickyrunner recently posted…When Life Does a 180My Profile

  • Laura @ This Runner's Recipes November 17, 2015, 12:42 pm

    You handle tough topics with such dignity, strength, and grace. I like how you say that you refuse to ignore it, since it was a happy day – we can all learn from such advice.
    We had a vanilla and chocolate swirl cake from the same bakery where my parents got their wedding cake. Since we moved cross-country before our first year anniversary, one week we just pulled what was left out of the freezer and demolished it. Seriously the best cake I’ve ever had!
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    • The Cookie ChRUNicles November 17, 2015, 1:15 pm

      Aw thank you 🙂 It makes me happy that you loved your wedding cake and ate it on your anniversary! We did the same thing!

  • Tracy November 17, 2015, 1:03 pm

    You are so, so right. My best friend is going through a divorce right now. In fact, their mediation is tomorrow. They are our best friends, our kids are best friends and we are very torn. On the other hand, my best friend is going to Boca today for the memorial service of a mutual friend who was killed in a small plane crash with his brother in law and several others last week. Having your health and knowing your family is healthy and safe – just the most important thing in the world.

    • The Cookie ChRUNicles November 17, 2015, 1:14 pm

      I am so sorry to hear about. Oddly enough, I am pretty sure I know of the crash you are referring to as my friend’s dad was supposed to be on that flight. So terrible

  • AmandaM November 17, 2015, 2:28 pm

    I agree with all the above – very well written and thank you for sharing your insight. I am not married and have no desire to get married 🙂 One of my biggest fears is losing my independence. For some reason running does not bring out things I don’t want to think about. It brings out hidden happy thoughts though. You know how there are “happy” drunks, “sad/weepy” drunks, “stupid” drunks? Applied to running, I’m a “happy” runner. The sadness comes out at other times. So obviously the answer is that I should just run ALL the time. 🙂

    • The Cookie ChRUNicles November 18, 2015, 4:17 pm

      Hahaha – overall running makes me super happy, it just has the tendency to get me thinking.

  • Fiona November 17, 2015, 2:45 pm

    Running definitely does sometimes bring out thoughts that I’d rather not think about. But then I think it’s a way of clearing my mind-like it’s a process that you’re mind is trying to get you to do so as to work through whatever the issue is and then have a clear mind. Needless to say, some thoughts are easier than others to work through! 🙂
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  • Amanda @ .running with spoons. November 17, 2015, 9:49 pm

    I hate that this happened to you, but I do love how you handled it. I think I told you that the other day, though, so I’ll try to not go all sapster on you again 😛 Personally, I find that most of my memories come to flood my mind when I’m driving… especially when it’s late at night. That was always my go-to therapy when I wasn’t feeling the best, so I guess that’s why.
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    • The Cookie ChRUNicles November 18, 2015, 4:16 pm

      I forgot all about the memories that come up while driving, especially with the radio on.

  • GiGi Eats November 17, 2015, 10:17 pm

    I have never been married, and honestly if I get married… No cake. HA HA! I can’t eat cake! I will have a SUSHI “cake” 😉 If I must… LIKE THIS: https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/71/f6/b1/71f6b15bf6324735bf24c74d48bc1dd9.jpg
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  • Emily November 18, 2015, 10:33 am

    Wow, your attitude is amazing, because it seems like something that would really be so difficult to go through. <3 I pray that you would continue to heal every day more and more. Thank you for being vulnerable.
    Emily recently posted…Real Weight MaintenanceMy Profile

  • Bharat Sharma November 19, 2015, 2:47 am

    I don’t know what to say but I think couple should try their best to save their marriage but if it fails then it is better to go separate ways. I’m from India and here things are way too conservative and couples stay together even if in the heart they want to stab each other. This is wrong but this is how it is. Good thing is it is now changing but it will still take another decade or two to change completely. I’m a single and I hope things will never turn out so bad that it will end up in ending the relationship.

    Only time will tell but being a Mr. Brightside I think it will all be good.

    and as far as workout routine is concerned, I just enjoy doing some light exercise and go for a morning walk.
    Regards,
    Bharat
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  • Meghan@CleanEatsFastFeets November 28, 2015, 5:56 pm

    You were a beautiful bride. Simple stunning, and I can only imagine how bittersweet it must be to work in the industry and then relive that day over again. You’re right though. The What Ifs will swallow you whole if you let them.

    Our wedding cake was lemon with buttercream frosting and layers of fresh raspberries. It was complete perfection and I loved it.