Let’s talk About my Black pants



thinking out loud

Let’s talk about the black pants hanging in my closet. The black pants I bought at White House Black Market in 2013 when I was on the hunt for a new outfit to wear on the Dr. Oz Show (remember I was on television? Still so cool!)

So the pants. I remember taking two sizes into the fitting room and I recall trying on the first pair, realizing in that moment I should probably take the smaller size.

But this isn’t even so much about the size, it was more what I remember seeing in the mirror.

I remember looking in the mirror, as well as at the picture I took in the outfit while standing in the store and then  thinking, um, you know, I think I might be too thin.

Like, my shape is missing, where did it go?

My period was missing too.


For a few months in 2013, it had disappeared again. I knew it was missing and a part of me knew it meant my eating and exercise were out of balance (I had been through this once before) but the girl inside of me who hated menstrual cramps was secretly thrilled even though she knew this wasn’t a good thing.

I had been going to Lifetime Athletic during that time period, running less than now but spinning fairly often and really the biggest issue here if I recall correctly, was that I was not eating two breakfasts (pre AND post-run) which meant not enough calories for those workouts.

My period wasn’t gone for long though. It returned after I mysteriously injured my shoulder which looking back, I think happened because I was vulnerable to injury since my period was missing (amenorrhea can cause all sorts of problems including increased risk of injury) but I can proudly say that I haven’t missed a cycle since April 2013.

Anyway, the pants.

Those black pants still fit me but of course, they fit differently. As soon as my cycle returned, so did some curves.

And since that time, my mileage has increased and I took up Pure Barre which lifted, toned and burned my shape for the better, especially my lower half.

I love how I look and remind myself of this fact every time I put those black pants on rather than slip into the mindset of,

“Wait. These pants used to look different. Why are they hugging the tops of my thighs? They are hanging differently, longer than they used to be, buttoning in a different place…What did I do wrong?”

But see, I didn’t do anything wrong! I eat really well to satisfy my runner appetite. If one day that means my pants don’t fit, then maybe they aren’t meant to fit.

I certainly cannot eat any less or give up my favorite foods. Giving up dessert just to make my pants hang differently? That sounds like a really dumb idea.


I had this brownie sundae thing recently and forgot to show you!

I am hungry like clockwork and I need to be happy with what I eat. I cannot deny myself of my appetite or of the foods I enjoy.

Unsatisfied hunger is cruel and being unhappy, caused by my own doing, is even crueler.

I also know that the slightest change in my diet, should I even attempt to eat less, will throw off my period because my period needs me to keep up my calories.

Just last month, I found myself eating less peanut butter. I don’t know why, I just noticed I was taking less spoonfuls and guess what? My period was one week late.

Do we know for sure that it was caused by eating less peanut butter which was less fat in the diet? No but I do know that I am more regular than a girl who takes the pill and more often than not for me, what I eat directly affects my hormones.

I have written posts like this before, one in particular entitled Jeans Can Lie.

jeans can lie

They really can, and so can black pants from your past.

Can we talk about my black pants? #thinkingoutloud #amenorrhea #health #running #pants #girltalk @runwithspoons #fitfluential Click To Tweet

Don’t forget to check out what everyone else is thinking about today 🙂


When you need to get dressed for work/something that requires more than workout clothes, do you prefer dress pants or a dress/skirt?

Are you good about eating pre AND post workout?

Do your old pants fit differently than a few years ago?



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    • says

      You’re always so funny, but your comments also make me stop in my tracks to think. You’re such a wise woman, Susie! Just wanted to remind you of that. xo
      Suzy recently posted…Sound OffMy Profile

  1. says

    I commend you for opening up with both this post & the one you linked. You are an incredible and wise woman. Continue eating for your appetite & if your jeans don’t fit.. eel I guess it’s a good thing theres a billion x397972394 stores in this world that will sell the next size or two up 🙂

  2. says

    Things from my “pre yoga pants” days always seem to fit different now but I have no clue if they actually do or it I just expect to feel super comfy now! There are some jeans though that I bought KNOWING they were super tight and have gotten rid of. I have no time for tight jeans. Or any jeans, really! I never have to dress up now so I don’t even know what I’d wear. I’d have to go shopping and then freak out 🙂
    Michele @ paleorunningmomma recently posted…Last Minute Marathon ThoughtsMy Profile

  3. says

    I’m so glad to hear you’re in a happy, healthy place now. I bet with all the changes in your life at that time it was hard to stop yourself from getting too thin/working out too much, so great job realizing the problem and fixing it!!

    I hate wearing dress pants..they are just not comfortable at all so I would much rather wear a dress. Plus, then I don’t have to worry about finding a matching top or anything. Instant outfit 🙂
    Gretchen | Gretchruns recently posted…A Spooky PostMy Profile

    • says

      I realized I needed a pre and post workout meal. at the time, I was eating breakfast and then eating lunch, those extra few hundred calories made all the difference. Sometimes, it’s that simple!

  4. says

    I really appreciate your openness and am so glad to hear that you’re so in tune with your health! I have some clothes that don’t fit me as well now, but I was tiny in college. I usually choose pencil skirts over dress pants, but I have one pair of skinny cut dress pants from Banana Republic that I love. No one dresses up here in Seattle, even for work, so all my nice skirts just sit and wait to be worn!
    Laura @ This Runner’s Recipes recently posted…Camping at Annette LakeMy Profile

  5. says

    I’m in love with the fact that I don’t have to dress up for work — I honestly have no idea what I’d do if I needed to wear jeans and dress pants on a regular basis. My pants definitely fit me differently than they used to, and I think a big part of that just has to do with getting older. And running. And snowboarding. And working out in general. It can be a total mind-f*ck, too, which is why I just stick to my Lulu pants 😛
    Amanda @ .running with spoons. recently posted…. thinking out loud #154 .My Profile

  6. says

    I have a pair of jeans that used to fit a few years ago when I wasn’t healthy. I barely ate, all I did was work and I was exhausted. I keep them and try them on occasionally hoping that they will fit but now after reading your post I wonder why. Why do I want them to fit if they are a reminder of not being happy and healthy now? Now I eat healthy to fuel my runs and help recovery and okay to satisfy my sweettooth with chocolate. Maybe it’s time to get of those jeans?
    Sheena @ Paws and Pavement recently posted…City of Trees Half Marathon ReviewMy Profile

  7. says

    I LOVE this post. Thank you for sharing!

    In the past year or so, my legs have practically doubled in size. I’m stronger, healthier, and a faster runner. I’ve been getting injured WAY less and am a better runner. I no longer have chicken legs and my pants are definitely tighter! I’ve struggled with this (I loved my chicken legs) … But I’m constantly reminding myself that I’m healthier than I was in the past and that’s more important than skinny legs!

    Thank you again for sharing your experience!!
    Arthi recently posted…Since you’ve been gone …My Profile

  8. says

    Wow. I don’t know know how you do it, but this really hits on something I really struggled with after regaining weight to get my period back. I did not like that so many of my old clothes didn’t fit me, but eventually, I figured, that if I was spending so much time being anxious about them, I just needed to get a new wardrobe. So I donated them, and now I’m so much happier in the clothes I have and in the body that God has given me.

    And no, right now, my body can not handle any dieting or calorie restriction, because I was so obsessed with it for so long, that it really stressed out my body. 🙂 It’s all about balance. 🙂 I really <3 this post. You are da best Meredith! 🙂
    Emily recently posted…Why Exercise can be ObsessiveMy Profile

    • says

      Aw, thank you 🙂 It was hard on me way back when I was 22 and had amenorrhea for 18 months. Once my period came back and my body changed a little, my clothes were not fitting/not fitting the same. It was a weird thing and confusing even though I knew they shouldn’t fit, no one wants their clothes to get tight! I too got rid of them all which was the best approach.

  9. says

    YES! This is all so true. I have a lot of clothes I still wear from middle school and high school. But they don’t fit the same. I have hips now, and my legs are more muscular. I weigh more than I did then because I have curves. There are times where I would get upset about this fact awhile ago, but now, I have accepted it. Our bodies change, and fueling ourselves correctly is the most important thing. For me, that means not skimping on my bagel and hot chocolate in the morning, or on some carbs with salad at night. My body immediately senses something is up and I need to eat all.the.things. Sticking to what I know works and keeps me happy and healthy.
    Sarah @pickyrunner recently posted…Three Years.My Profile

    • says

      It was weird actually, I couldn’t fully figure out why things were “off” until I realized I really needed an additional breakfast, after my workout. Then things got back to normal.

  10. says

    I threw the scale out a few years ago. When I finally, once and for all, gave up “diets”. The BIGGEST thing I have noticed, that affects my period, is meat. Ever since I was 12, and had my period, I was NEVER regular. Which is GREAT, except when it’s not anymore…like trying to get pregnant, or just in general really. We were meant to have periods and it’s very healthy to have them regularly!
    When I gave up “diets”, over 4 years ago, and went for a healthy, balanced, life style change, I DID give up meat for a year. Mostly because I don’t think we really need it and the hormones in meats are just messing with OUR hormones. And whadaya know, got my period shortly after giving up meat, and it has been SUPER regular ever since! I DID start eating meat again, but now I only eat healthier meats from the farmers market – mostly bison – and only 1-2 times a week.
    Food = medicine, that’s for sure! And skinny does NOT = healthy!
    Nikki @ will run forpizza recently posted…OSU 4 miler!My Profile


  1. […] Let’s Talk About My Black Pants – Meredith has a way of getting inside my head with many of the things I’ve struggled with during recovery including the struggle of many of my old clothes not fitting.  I would stand for hours in front of the mirror wishing that I didn’t have to gain weight or ‘recover’, but Meredith’s fresh look at recovery when it comes to clothes is STUPENDOUS.  […]

  2. […] Let’s Talk About My Black Pants – Meredith has a way of getting inside my head with many of the things I’ve struggled with during recovery including the struggle of many of my old clothes not fitting.  I would stand for hours in front of the mirror wishing that I didn’t have to gain weight or ‘recover’, but Meredith’s fresh look at recovery when it comes to clothes is STUPENDOUS.  […]