Thinking Out Loud – Hormones Speak For Themselves



My hormones have taken over my brain this week as well as today’s post.

untitled (5)

We women have all been lied to. Male friends, you may want to skip this part.

They tell us that once we have children, the pain and cramping associated with our cycles will diminish.

Don’t ask me who this “they” is; if I knew exactly, I would have already gone after them with my cake server that is shaped like a shoe.

In reality, the only thing that happens after giving birth is that we develop a high threshold for pain.

I don’t know about you but my epidural didn’t work all that well so I know what labor feels like.

Labor, contractions, childbirth…hurts. Bad.

When your cycle returns, it suddenly seems better. But it isn’t. It’s a mirage.

All that happens is that you think it is better because nothing compared to the recent pain you experienced pushing out a living being the size of watermelon through something the size of a lemon.

Guess what: My son is now ten. It’s been ten years since I gave birth and my high threshold for pain has completely worn off.

I have had three separate near death experiences this week due to the cramping and will forever blame my monthly visitor for ruining Sunday’s race.

It’s not fair that men can sign up for races all la-de-da and never worry about their 28- day calendar nor is it okay with me that they will never feel cramps as we know them.

I will even admit to including my son in this male hatred list after yesterday morning.

As I was dying, he looked at me and said, “so what’s your problem?”

See, you would add him to the list too.

I have decided that my lack of threshold for pain has been affecting my running for a while now.

I am not running at uncomfortable paces (read: race pace) often enough.

In an attempt to remedy this, next week I intend to bring a run or two over to the track in order to enforce speed work and tempo runs and whatever else I should be doing that I haven’t.

This will easily fit into my routine since I drive my son to school and the high school track is steps away.

Speaking of school, do you know of an open one that I can send him to prior to next Tuesday? I am slowly losing my mind.

I haven’t been able to get any work done or run very many errands on my list which includes the grocery store.

I was down to one apple yesterday. Do you hear me? One apple. Luckily, after a thirty minute battle following my near-death cramping experience, my son finally agreed to stop at Trader Joe’s quickly before we picked up his friend for lunch and the movies.


Parfaits all around. I treat the kids well, don’t I?

So the movies. I kind of sort of had words with the popcorn guy.

I usually bring snacks to the movies but I was trying to be all cool yesterday so I allowed the kids to order what they wanted.

Except butter on the popcorn. No extra butter.

When my son ordered his popcorn, I told the popcorn man no butter.

Do you want to know what the man did? He proceeded to tell my son that the butter was self-serve and pointed him in the direction of the saturated fat machine.

Be glad you weren’t there to witness what occurred next.

As I passive-aggressively thanked this popcorn man for going against my request, he told me that it was standard operating language (my goodness it’s like talking to a live telemarketer reading from a script) and he then tried to assure me that it wasn’t really butter anyway.

As he listed the ingredients of what the fake butter really was, I cut him off and told him that his fake butter and list of ingredients were indeed poison.

It’s probably best that you go check out what everyone else is thinking about today instead of listening to my hormonal brain ramble any further.

You’re welcome.


Last time you had terrible cramps?

If you have had a baby, did your epidural work?

Favorite movie snacks?

Favorite popcorn toppings?






Follow on Bloglovin


  1. says

    Is it ok if I found this post hilarious? It’s just nice to be reminded that other people get like this too sometimes!

    I rarely get popcorn at the movies, so when I do, I go all out – death butter and all!

  2. says

    I’ll admit that I can’t hate on my period too much since I know what’s it’s like to not have one and the whole struggle that went along with that, buuuuut there are definitely times where I’m less than fond of Aunt Flow. My cramps aren’t -too- bad, but yeah… it’s still a pain in the butt. Men don’t know how good they have it. As for popcorn, I’m a huge fan of -real- butter and salt… especially when I can drizzle some honey on there too.

    • says

      I am sorry but I just cannot learn to fully appreciate my period even after my amenorrhea hiatuses. I used to hope that my body would forget how to produce the pain but as soon as I got it back, I realized the body never forgets….I am loving this honey on popcorn thing. I may even have some later and I don’t even eat popcorn too often. My son lives for honey so he will totally enjoy this.

  3. says

    Holy cow, I would have dismantled Mr. Movie Theater Popcorn man. PMS/hormonal or not. There is no reason to act like that. What if your son had allergies? The nerve of some people boggles my mind, honestly. I’m in a weird hormonal space as we are trying to reset my hormones to an extent–last night I had a night sweat to rival all night sweats, and I haven’t had that in a very, very long time. I am excited to see how I am acting later on today. Not. My favorite popcorn is kettlecorn, tho I like the lighter varieties. I also like putting Cholula on popcorn too–not tons because I don’t want it to get soggy, but definitely some dashes. I don’t really like the popcorn salts and such–I prefer a few grinds from a salt grinder instead.

  4. says

    I love you. Seriously these past few days have been hell for me so I quite literally feel you pain. Let me tell you, bloating and cramps at a passover seder with 40 people is something you want to avoid for life. Thank god for 4 glasses of wine or I else I would have rained down all 10 plagues. Some days I really wish I were a man!

  5. says

    I know you are in pain, and I wish you werent, I wish you could send that pms my way (as I have the opposite problem and my body will not cycle!!!), but I cant! however, you did make me love your posts even more. Hang in there my friend, you are tougher than you think!!!!!

    As for the popcorn story, you are amazing….oh, and I would love my mum to take me to red mango! Hope your day goes well 🙂

  6. says

    Periods-I’m pretty sure they are Eve’s punishment. Mine are coming closer together because I’m perimenopausal. That’s great really! PMS all the time.

    Anyway. I get in arguments in public all the time. I chalk it up to being a New Yorker living in California. It’s part of my charm.

    I feel your speed pain as well. I’ve been doing intervals. Not sure if it’s helping or not.

  7. Lauren says

    Um, can I just say that this post was amazing?! I know you hate the double quotation, but that called for it. lol. Seriously, such a great blog entry. You crack me up. I cannot go to the movies without getting popcorn (and usually raisinets too). Movie theater and popcorn go together in my world. The butter, yeah i can live without the add on. for sure. No epidural for me– planned c section. Oh, it changes everything.