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What Would Happen If I Looked At The Scale?

 

Is it weird for anyone else to realize that had I stayed married, my 16th wedding anniversary would be this Friday, November 17? Doesn’t that sound like a really long time as if I’m not old enough to have been married that long?!

I’ve talked about what my anniversary means after divorce in the past so we don’t need to discuss that part today.

What we need to discuss is this picture of me getting zipped into my wedding dress. I don’t think I’ve shared this picture before!

That’s me, 16 years ago (I was 23!) in the bridal room at my wedding venue. My bridal attendant was helping me to get ready and I was PRAYING that my dress would zip. Heather took this picture, I remember that!

wedding dress

Have I told you what happened only two weeks prior to my wedding day? About how the seamstress needed to remove the cups from the bra area of my wedding dress because I was suddenly busting out of the top? Yeah.

After 18 or so months with amenorrhea, my period had returned a couple of months before my wedding day. I gave up the scale a good six months prior to my wedding yet even so, I know that I had gained weight, my hormones were all over the place and my metabolism wasn’t normal yet.

I hate that fear of something not zipping. It’s a fear that I still get in my head from time to time and I always think back to this moment of fear with my wedding dress.

wedding

So the scale.

I gave up the scale SO LONG AGO. In fact, when we registered for all the household items during our engagement, a scale was never on my list.

While I’ve stepped on random scales from time to time over the years, I haven’t actually looked at the number on the scale in over three years.

I mean, I know my range. I know my unhealthy (too thin) range and I know the range I fall in when I am in a good place and I can tell these things without stepping on the scale.

For example, my unhealthy range has me looking sickly and I won’t get my period. My healthy range gives me my period every darn 28 days like clockwork plus my body has a cute shape again.

So who needs the scale to tell me right from wrong?

Yet still, should I know what I weigh? You know, for medical reasons? Like when I was in labor. They needed to know my weight for the epidural and I was yelling I don’t know my weight because I don’t look at the scale so you have to wait for my doctor to get here with my file?! Yeah, that wasn’t a good situation.

What would happen if I stepped on the scale and saw a number? Would I be fine with it? Would I easily move on from the situation?

I really don’t know.

I’m so out of touch with the whole process of stepping on and seeing/knowing a number. Sometimes I feel as though not checking in with the scale means I am letting myself go or ignoring that I am gaining several pounds over the years and not realizing. Like I am getting older and my metabolism must be slowing down and I should be monitoring that.

But that obviously makes no sense! I am still exercising, eating my balanced way and my clothes all fit!

I’ve lived my life for the past bunch of years so carefree by not thinking about  what the scale says. There’s no daily check in. No wondering about what I ate in relation to what the scale might say. No thinking in terms of being up, down, retaining water or gaining muscle.

Speaking of muscle, I do have some. Not a lot, but some. They say muscle weighs more so the scale will go up even when you are as fit as ever. Sometimes I think that’s a cop-out although in reality, it’s documented medical research.

Whatever.

Even if I saw a number I didn’t like on the scale, if it’s muscle or not, there isn’t a thing I could do about it anyway.

Seriously. I am truly at a point in my life where I couldn’t and just wouldn’t adjust anything about my diet and lifestyle.

I don’t see how I could eat less and I wouldn’t give up going out to eat as often as I do. If I want dessert, I won’t go without it and if I want a second plate of food because I am hungry, I am going to eat it.

Or like yesterday when I wanted hot chocolate, I’m going to drink it even though in my head I still think of the old, “but we don’t drink calories!”

Well, guess what, sometimes we do and it’s really okay because nothing is going to happen to you. This Dunkin Donuts hot chocolate was so good. If you want hot chocolate, you drink the real thing, not the 20 calorie pathetic packet.

hot chocolate

I can’t force myself to run any more than I actually feel like running and I’m certainly not about to subject my personality to a MyFitnessPal/Whole 30/Paleo/Counting Macros type of thing.

It’s nice not to think about my next meal. It’s freeing to not care very much about what I eat. Of course I still eat healthy but I don’t need to think about it in order to do so. I don’t ever want to have to, either.

I look in the mirror and I’m always very happy with what I see.

Running is great, I am never injured (knock on wood) and feel strong. So why would the number on a scale matter at this point in my life? It shouldn’t yet still, sometimes I wonder about it.

I’m sharing this post to remind you that thought patterns like this never truly go away. I think we all have them from time to time so if you are waiting for that magical moment where you never think like this again, think again. It’s important to acknowledge that random thoughts about weight, weight loss, the scale, and whatever other term you want to insert here, will pop up and have you question things and you have to learn how to work through those moments in a healthy way. It’s not always easy (don’t talk to me during PMS) but it can be done.

I usually recognize these moments, call my mother to laugh about how ridiculous I sound and then go about my day.

It really goes back to this quote I shared recently.

quote

 

Yet still, will I step on the scale soon and actually look at the number? I don’t know. Maybe? Maybe not.

What would happen if I looked at the scale? #weight #bodyimage #health #scale #amenorrhea #disorderedeating #wedding Click To Tweet

When was the last time you looked at the scale?

If you haven’t looked at the scale in years, do you think about?

Do you like hot chocolate? Which is your favorite kind?

 

 

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{ 14 comments… add one }
  • Samantha November 14, 2017, 7:24 am

    This is so important because so many people now focus soley on that number and let that determine how they think, act and feel. It’s sad that society makes us believe that that is what truly matters when it isn’t. But on a lighter note, I actually love the nestle hot chocolate!

  • Lizzie Royer November 14, 2017, 9:56 am

    Funny because I havent weighed myself since March and then of course I saw it at the gyno about a month ago and freaked out.
    Yesterday I decided to weigh myself and lost 5 lbs from that appointment a month ago.
    So of course today I got on the scale again (I woke up feeling like I looked thinner) and it was up two lbs… which just goes to show you that all those numbers are soooo pointless.

  • Alyssa November 14, 2017, 10:13 am

    I stopped looking after I got too concerned about how much I was gaining while pregnant. Sometimes it would be too much according to “the books” and sometimes too little and it got to where there was no point in playing that guessing game. As it turned out (from when my midwife told the anesthesiologist for the epidural lol) the final number was the exact same number my mom weighed when she was full term with me and my brother, even though there were three different starting weights (mine and hers twice) so I think it’s just genetic probably!
    Alyssa recently posted…Gluten Free Banana Maple MuffinsMy Profile

    • The Cookie ChRUNicles November 15, 2017, 12:52 pm

      So I never looked at the scale during my pregnancy. I didn’t look at my 6 week check up either. I only asked at that point how much I had gained and what I had lost. From what I understand, I had gained 35 or so pounds, lost it all and more — but see, we needed to know what we weighed for the epidural!

  • Laura @ Sprint 2 the Table November 14, 2017, 10:30 am

    I love that last quote! So very, very true. You know I love to eat, so I can’t let the scale dictate my happiness. 🙂
    Laura @ Sprint 2 the Table recently posted…Paleo Zucchini HummusMy Profile

  • Laura @ This Runner's Recipes November 14, 2017, 2:38 pm

    I love that last quote! I’ve weighed myself a few times but the scale never reflects how I feel – I put on muscle easily and also drop to racing weight easily. I haven’t had hot chocolate in a while but Starbucks used to be my favorite!
    Laura @ This Runner’s Recipes recently posted…CIM Training Week 13My Profile

  • Lisa @ Mile by Mile November 14, 2017, 6:53 pm

    I was never really concerned with the numbers on the scale but there was a time in my life when I weighed myself every day. I have no idea why. But that was when i was concerned about calories and ate alot of sugar free/fat free crap. Its funny because every once in awhile Ill start to wonder how many calories I ate that day…like sometimes after a long run I wonder if I even ate enough to make up for how much I ran. It reminds me of how I used to add up calories in my head all the time. I cant believe how much time and energy I wasted doing that and I really don’t even know why!
    Lisa @ Mile by Mile recently posted…How to Adjust to Running in the ColdMy Profile

  • Nicole @ Laughing My Abs Off November 14, 2017, 7:52 pm

    I loved this post for how honest it was. I think oftentimes people talk about breaking up with the scale, but they don’t mention the residual thoughts and wonderings that still remain. I don’t weigh myself except for at the doctor’s office, so I guess the last time was about 6 months ago. Like you, I don’t have some ideal number that I’m happy with; as long as it’s in a certain range, and my cycle is normal, and my clothes fit, I’m totally fine.
    My favorite hot chocolate is definitely Jacques Torres from NYC 🙂
    Nicole @ Laughing My Abs Off recently posted…WIAW {Disney Music and Self-Care}My Profile

    • The Cookie ChRUNicles November 16, 2017, 6:10 am

      thank you. and that’s a good point – we often don’t hear people speak about their honest thoughts of what happens when you haven’t stepped on the scale.

  • Ellen @ My Uncommon Everyday November 16, 2017, 12:25 pm

    On weight: I relate. My body wasn’t absorbing nutrients for a while and I lost so much weight I didn’t have to lose. It was all during high school and early college, so now that I’m ending college I have both the fact that I’m more of a real adult now and the fact that my body isn’t sick anymore to “blame” for my weight gain. And, like, food. Some days it feels awful, but every day it feels like I’m way stronger. Clothes look better on me. I’m healthier. I ask to be blind-weighed, but I’m of a naturally smaller build anyway, so nurses roll their eyes whenever I ask. It’s for my mental health, though. I saw such a small number for so long, that even a totally normal number feels wrong. WHATEVER.
    On hot chocolate: I’ve always loved Tim Horton’s hot chocolate! But I’m currently studying in Paris, and there’s this famous tea room (Angelina) with hot chocolate so thick and rich you kind of need to eat/drink it with a spoon. It tastes like a melted brownie and is truly insane. Tim Horton’s is still my favorite standard hot chocolate, but Angelina is in a category ALL of its own 🙂
    Ellen @ My Uncommon Everyday recently posted…Day in the Life: Study Abroad EditionMy Profile

    • The Cookie ChRUNicles November 20, 2017, 2:36 pm

      I haven’t had Tim Hortons in so long but it was always so good! I used to go on the scale backwards at the doctor – who cares if they roll their eyes, you know?

  • Meghan@CleanEatsFastFeets November 19, 2017, 1:50 pm

    I looked at the scale about a week ago and truth be told, I wasn’t thrilled with what I saw. In fact, I’ve kind of avoided the scale lately because I know I’m still carrying around the baby weight, and I think I’m finally ready to lose it. I set a very moderate and reasonable goal for weight loss by the end of the year, and so I needed a baseline to see if I meet the target. I’ve started working out more and I’m watching what I eat a tiny bit more carefully, which is to say less sweets but they’re still in there and cooking more veggies. I’m not a cut it all out type gal and I wouldn’t want to give up my happiness in order to lose some pounds. Baby steps, pun intended.
    Meghan@CleanEatsFastFeets recently posted…The BurnhamMy Profile

    • The Cookie ChRUNicles November 20, 2017, 2:32 pm

      a moderate and reasonable goal is smart and I agree, never cut it all out – it never works well that way.

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