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Letting It Go

 

The further away I get from my divorce, the harder it becomes to write on the subject. What I went through was awful and it is not ever forgotten but it’s so far behind me that I do not think about the details unless something triggers it.

The other day I realized that it’s almost exactly ten years ago that my life went from happy housewife to Oh my goodness what the heck is going on?!

Ten years ago right now we had just closed on our new house and were in the process of having lots of beautiful work done before we made the move.

My biggest issue in life was what type of lighting fixture should I hang in the closet area that led to my son’s bathroom. Seriously, I think about this completely unimportant issue I had all of the time!

As I think about the life that doesn’t even feel like it was my own at this point, I often wonder lately if I realized that my son’s Bar Mitzvah was ten years in the future.

benji

When my son was born, I was already planning my dress for his Bar Mitzvah but I can’t really say that ten years ago, in 2006, that I was actively realizing that his affair would be in 2016.

It’s a good thing too. Had I thought about his Bar Mitzvah much during the years of my divorce, I may not have made it to this point in one sane piece.

Planning a Bar Mitzvah is as big of a deal as planning a wedding (if not more intricate with details) and doing such planning when you are divorced can really be a HUGE emotional disaster.

Over the last few years, if the topic of the Bar Mitzvah came up in passing, my immediate response was, I am NOT ready to talk about it yet. 

Hoping, that when the time came, I would find the way to not only talk about it but plan it with ease.

I am in the heart of the planning process right now.

A few months ago I was having recurring bad dreams about the Bar Mitzvah that were stressing me out in my sleep. It was the worst way to be planning a Bar Mitzvah. Every decision I was making, every deposit check I was writing, even when I found my dress, all overshadowed by the looming negative.

It was time to deal with this negative, this certain aspect of my divorce that although I had moved past in my every day life would be brought back to me at the Bar Mitzvah, attempting to collide with my happiness once again and the happiness of the milestone moment in our lives.

If you know me by now, you know that I do not stress things. Stress and anxiety are not words in my vocabulary so for this to bother me it’s a big deal.

I briefly explored a few options that I thought would make things better until I realized that the options and solutions I was coming up with were only going to stress me out further and instill a negative vibe throughout the process.

I realized right then and there that the best thing for me to do was LET GO of what was bothering me in order to enjoy the planning and the actual Bar Mitzvah.

This doesn’t mean I am forgiving or forgetting — I am simply letting it go. There’s a major difference here, one I keep repeating to myself.

I cannot begin to tell you how freeing the let go feeling was immediately.

I haven’t had another bad dream since and the weight that has been lifted off my shoulders is remarkable. I informed those close to me of my let go decisions and have asked them to follow suit.

It takes incredible strength to say I am going to LET GO and actually do so.

Believe me when I say that this decision of mine was not easy to make and one of the hardest things I will have to do in my lifetime. It may also not be the way that I want it but I choose positive over negative because it feels better.

If you refuse to give in to the negative, if you take a minute to say, “This is a big deal to me but is it really that big of a deal? Can I try to make it small stuff and then not sweat it?”, most of the time, you will see that it is small stuff. If you allow it to be.

I am now enjoying every step of the planning as I should be.

Our major vendors are booked, the theme is in place and logos have been designed. I am currently working on selecting the lounge furniture and building the floorplan layout in my AllSeated account (if you are planning a wedding or other event, I totally recommend AllSeated not just because I work for them but because the planning tool is awesome and free too!), invitations and décor are up next.

On the day of the affair, I will absolutely not allow anything or anyone to bother me. Just telling myself this is powerful enough to make me believe it.

Even if I have moments of doubt, I know that my attitude towards my son’s Bar Mitzvah is the best thing for him too. He deserves to have a drama free, stress free and happy affair, just like anyone else and exactly like I have raised him. This is how I would have wanted it if my parents were divorced and by putting myself in the child’s shoes, I am able to keep going with my planning as a happy divorced mom, even if I never imagined this would be my situation.

Letting it go #divorce #barmitzvah #allseated #eventplanning #letitgo Click To Tweet

Anyone else currently planning a big event? A wedding? Bar Mitzvah? Anything?!

Are you good at letting things go?

Do you remember your dreams often?

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  • Lisa @ Running Out Of Wine March 1, 2016, 4:58 am

    I have a really hard time letting things go, even when rationally i know I shouldn’t let it bother me. I remember my dreams all the time, especially when they are stressful ones! I’m glad you were able to get to a better place with this so you can focus on enjoying this important time in your son’s life!
    Lisa @ Running Out Of Wine recently posted…My Favorite “Running Uniform”My Profile

    • The Cookie ChRUNicles March 1, 2016, 2:40 pm

      I went a while without remembering my dreams and then suddenly I remember them again!

  • Michele @ paleorunningmomma March 1, 2016, 6:17 am

    Letting go is so hard whenever there are big emotions involved! This is a hard thing to work through, no doubt, but you are doing an amazing job, seriously! Letting go of negativity is so hard but so powerful and will make the experience a million times better – it’s going to be incredible 🙂
    Michele @ paleorunningmomma recently posted…Coconut Flour Carrot Raisin Muffins {Paleo & Nut Free}My Profile

  • Lesq March 1, 2016, 8:18 am

    What an awesome post. We can all benefit and apply this to some area of our life. Your a strong, honest, loving person!! Thanks for sharing this. It is very appropriate to something/someone in my life now whom we have negative feelings for but is close to a very important family member. Your so right about letting go–and I realize saying it and not feeling it is NOT letting go.

    • The Cookie ChRUNicles March 1, 2016, 2:39 pm

      Aw, thank you 🙂 I understand those feelings you are speaking about – it’s important to just let it go as best as possible. Trust me!

  • Susie @ SuzLyfe March 1, 2016, 8:25 am

    I cannot imagine my world turning upside down to such an extent, but I do know what it is like to have to “just let it go” with something in my life that I thought would have a very different outcome/result: my grad school experience. Ultimately, I just have to be thankful for the experience itself.
    Susie @ SuzLyfe recently posted…Best of Suzlyfe 1: Food + Nutrition, Mental Health, Running, Life!My Profile

    • The Cookie ChRUNicles March 1, 2016, 2:38 pm

      It’s so important sometimes to just find something worth taking from an experience, even things didn’t turn out the way we thought they would

  • Laura @ This Runner's Recipes March 1, 2016, 8:28 am

    You’re such a strong and inspiring woman, Meredith! I think letting go is vital. It’s easier said than done but it keeps us from being haunted by our pasts. And days like weddings and bar mitzvahs should be enjoyed, not stressed over!
    Laura @ This Runner’s Recipes recently posted…Half Marathon Workouts for Beginner and Experienced RunnersMy Profile

  • Shannon March 1, 2016, 8:43 am

    That is an awesome mindset. I constantly stress about things and let things get to me. I need to take a step back more often and let things go.
    Shannon recently posted…Lemon Herb CouscousMy Profile

    • The Cookie ChRUNicles March 1, 2016, 2:36 pm

      Its worth trying to take a step back and see if you really need to stress things – most of the time, you don’t need to

  • Jen@bubblyrunner.com March 1, 2016, 9:27 am

    I can have a hard time letting go–but, if I’m upset/stressed about something and I choose not to discuss it, then I feel like that’s on me and I have to either let it go or talk about it. I’m not planning any big events, but we do have weddings coming up in May so that should be fun!
    Jen@bubblyrunner.com recently posted…Weekend Wrap-UpMy Profile

  • Alyssa @ renaissancerunnergirl March 1, 2016, 9:49 am

    I am trying to get better at letting go of things that are not in my control. If I’ve learned anything in life so far, it’s that “let go and let God” is a pretty good motto (whether or not you believe in that kind of thing!) because, well, man plans and God laughs as my boyfriend likes to say!
    Alyssa @ renaissancerunnergirl recently posted…A Whirlwind Weekend in FloridaMy Profile

  • Amanda @ .running with spoons. March 1, 2016, 10:01 am

    I wouldn’t exactly say that I have an easy time letting go, but I think I’m getting better at it as I get older just because I’ve seen time and time again how healing and freeing it is. It’s a difficult thing for sure, and sometimes it takes a bit of time and a lot of conscious effort, but when it finally comes? Oh man. Best feeling ever. Sending you lots of love <3
    Amanda @ .running with spoons. recently posted…carrot oatmeal greek yogurt muffinsMy Profile

    • The Cookie ChRUNicles March 1, 2016, 2:07 pm

      It’s so incredibly difficult but if you can have the power to really let go, it really is freeing and soooo much better. Not much in life is worth stressing.

  • Ellie March 1, 2016, 10:25 am

    Cue song Let It GO! I have an easy time letting some things go, and a really hard time with others. Even though I have emotionally separated from my family, sometimes I remember things they’ve done or said and still find it hard. Other times I’m just like whatever that’s on you. I find that prayer helps me a lot. When i give it to God, I don’t worry as much.
    I can’t wait to see your dress! I bet it’s beautiful and will look amazing on you
    Ellie recently posted…Week In Review: Finally Back to Strong Hearts!My Profile

  • Sarah @pickyrunner March 1, 2016, 10:46 am

    Even though this is completely not related to what I’m going through, you always manage to write posts that still make their way back to something that is going on in my life. Love it. Let it go <– new mantra for the week/month.
    Sarah @pickyrunner recently posted…See you laterMy Profile

    • The Cookie ChRUNicles March 1, 2016, 2:05 pm

      I think that’s what is great about these posts as you say – they are general enough to reach everyone on some level. I so know you needed this post too! Loving your new mantra.

  • Suzy March 1, 2016, 10:57 am

    Awe, he’s so cute. I love this post, how raw and honest you are. I have never been to a Bar Mitzvah! I hope I get to experience one some day. Letting go is the hardest thing in the world but the biggest requirement for love. <3
    Suzy recently posted…Week in Review: Chillax AttacksMy Profile

    • The Cookie ChRUNicles March 1, 2016, 2:03 pm

      Bar Mitzvahs are fun! Just like a really good wedding only a lot more focused on the kids.And you know my affair will have great food 🙂

  • Arman @ thebigmansworld March 1, 2016, 12:07 pm

    I think the fact that you find it harder to ‘write about it’ really does indicate your ability to, as you’ve written finally ‘let it go’. I have a very hard time of letting go, but recently, it’s been something I’m really working on.

    PS- Your son is very lucky to have you 🙂
    Arman @ thebigmansworld recently posted…Coffee Talk #4My Profile

  • Michelle March 1, 2016, 1:45 pm

    love your honesty and openness in this post. You are one of the strongest women I know, so it doesn’t surprise me that you have found a way to get through this. He is a lucky boy to have you for his mom. ❤️

    • The Cookie ChRUNicles March 1, 2016, 2:02 pm

      aw, thank you 🙂 I know you know how hard it was for me! I can’t thank you enough for all you did for me back then and for what I know you would still do now if I needed you. xoxox Start getting excited for the party!

  • Laure March 1, 2016, 3:43 pm

    Amazing post Meredith. You are inspiring to so many women. You are very strong and have the right mind set now! The BM will be a magical day for not only your son but for you too.

    • The Cookie ChRUNicles March 1, 2016, 3:50 pm

      thanks lou lou belle – I just knew this was from you without even seeing your email first 🙂 xoxox

  • Meghan@CleanEatsFastFeets March 1, 2016, 7:21 pm

    You’re correct. Letting go doesn’t necessarily mean forgiveness or that you forget. It’s simply letting it no longer affect your daily life. It’s incredibly freeing to let things go, and I’m so glad you were able to do so here and can now really enjoy planning his the Bar Mitzvah.
    Meghan@CleanEatsFastFeets recently posted…Week in Review: The Remodeling Continues and Eats (#20)My Profile

  • Christina March 2, 2016, 4:12 am

    I recently planned my wedding and went through some really stressful periods about in dealing with family issues and expectations. I really had to be intentional about staying positive and calm. And on the day it really paid off because I could enjoy the amazing purpose of the whole thing and not get carried away with other peoples problems.

  • heather rouffe March 3, 2016, 12:02 am

    The bar mitzvah will be a perfectly planned special day. It’s not about how much money you spend but the atmosphere and the love in the room. I always say that about every event! I hope to be there to celebrate this special day!!!!

    • The Cookie ChRUNicles March 3, 2016, 6:26 am

      we hope and pray you are there too! it’s so not about how much money you spend although, as you know, even when you try to spend less you are still spending a fortune!