Let’s talk about the black pants hanging in my closet. The black pants I bought at White House Black Market in 2013 when I was on the hunt for a new outfit to wear on the Dr. Oz Show (remember I was on television? Still so cool!)
So the pants. I remember taking two sizes into the fitting room and I recall trying on the first pair, realizing in that moment I should probably take the smaller size.
But this isn’t even so much about the size, it was more what I remember seeing in the mirror.
I remember looking in the mirror, as well as at the picture I took in the outfit while standing in the store and then thinking, um, you know, I think I might be too thin.
Like, my shape is missing, where did it go?
My period was missing too.
For a few months in 2013, it had disappeared again. I knew it was missing and a part of me knew it meant my eating and exercise were out of balance (I had been through this once before) but the girl inside of me who hated menstrual cramps was secretly thrilled even though she knew this wasn’t a good thing.
I had been going to Lifetime Athletic during that time period, running less than now but spinning fairly often and really the biggest issue here if I recall correctly, was that I was not eating two breakfasts (pre AND post-run) which meant not enough calories for those workouts.
My period wasn’t gone for long though. It returned after I mysteriously injured my shoulder which looking back, I think happened because I was vulnerable to injury since my period was missing (amenorrhea can cause all sorts of problems including increased risk of injury) but I can proudly say that I haven’t missed a cycle since April 2013.
Anyway, the pants.
Those black pants still fit me but of course, they fit differently. As soon as my cycle returned, so did some curves.
And since that time, my mileage has increased and I took up Pure Barre which lifted, toned and burned my shape for the better, especially my lower half.
I love how I look and remind myself of this fact every time I put those black pants on rather than slip into the mindset of,
“Wait. These pants used to look different. Why are they hugging the tops of my thighs? They are hanging differently, longer than they used to be, buttoning in a different place…What did I do wrong?”
But see, I didn’t do anything wrong! I eat really well to satisfy my runner appetite. If one day that means my pants don’t fit, then maybe they aren’t meant to fit.
I certainly cannot eat any less or give up my favorite foods. Giving up dessert just to make my pants hang differently? That sounds like a really dumb idea.
I had this brownie sundae thing recently and forgot to show you!
I am hungry like clockwork and I need to be happy with what I eat. I cannot deny myself of my appetite or of the foods I enjoy.
Unsatisfied hunger is cruel and being unhappy, caused by my own doing, is even crueler.
I also know that the slightest change in my diet, should I even attempt to eat less, will throw off my period because my period needs me to keep up my calories.
Just last month, I found myself eating less peanut butter. I don’t know why, I just noticed I was taking less spoonfuls and guess what? My period was one week late.
Do we know for sure that it was caused by eating less peanut butter which was less fat in the diet? No but I do know that I am more regular than a girl who takes the pill and more often than not for me, what I eat directly affects my hormones.
I have written posts like this before, one in particular entitled Jeans Can Lie.
They really can, and so can black pants from your past.Can we talk about my black pants? #thinkingoutloud #amenorrhea #health #running #pants… Click To Tweet
Don’t forget to check out what everyone else is thinking about today 🙂
When you need to get dressed for work/something that requires more than workout clothes, do you prefer dress pants or a dress/skirt?
Are you good about eating pre AND post workout?
Do your old pants fit differently than a few years ago?