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Reader Questions Answered – Marathons & Divorce Stuff

It’s been a while since I answered some of the questions I receive through comments and via email here on the blog.

As some of you already know, I always respond to your emails. Sometimes, I even drop everything I am doing to answer right away!

I am so truly touched by how many of you think of me, write to me, understand me and find me someone worth reaching out to for advice or even just a really good laugh.

If you ever have any questions, please feel free to email me!

reader questions answered

 

You run an awful lot of miles a week. Are you training for a marathon? I don’t think you have ever run one, right?

That is correct. I have not run a marathon to date and no, I am not currently training for one at the moment.

I do not know that I ever will train for a marathon because I really don’t have the desire to do so. I don’t know why but the feeling to run 26.2 miles just isn’t there so why push myself to do something I don’t really care to do?

I did think about entering the New York City Marathon lottery back in January. However, when I thought about paying the $11 for the entry chance and then considered the $260 entry fee had I been accepted, I realized that it just wasn’t money worth spending because I just didn’t care.

I love to run. I don’t feel like I need to set a goal or sign up to run a race to have something to train for in order to keep up with my exercise routine so until the true marathon desire strikes, if it ever does that is, I will stick to the occasional 10k and half marathon instead.

I am not easily influenced by others so following lots of marathon runners doesn’t phase me. I follow their training and get excited for them to run their best marathon but it does not in any way make me want to stay on my feet for almost 4 hours.

I know you are divorced but for how long? Do you get along with your ex-husband?

I have technically been divorced, as in all court dates finished and papers signed since the fall of 2011. However, the divorce process is a long one (especially in New York) which means my divorce actually started a few years before the final agreement was reached.

My ex-husband and I do get along. Like really well for the most part.

My divorce and the events that led up to the divorce were not fun or easy and it was really really really rough for a long time but I am not one to hold on to anger or negativity especially because of my son.

I always knew that it was best for my son to have two parents who got along which meant it was important to find the strength to move past the details of the divorce and find a way to not only be civil, but be friends with my ex.

I am still close with his family too. Very close. My mother in law was one of my best friends. We used to speak 20 times a day (no exaggeration here) and she was emotionally there for me at every hour of every day of the roughest moments of my life and now is no different.

Getting divorced not only broke up my marriage but threatened to break apart my ties to the family I married into as well. For a while it was hard to maintain those relationships but over time, it became easier to figure out the new normal and remain close, just in a different way.

As my son gets older, and especially lately, he has a lot of questions about our divorce which is actually much harder for me to handle than I thought. A part of me felt as though I got through the tough stuff already and that since the actual demise of my marriage and divorce process occurred when my son was much younger, that we had dodged a major bullet in terms of my son’s feelings and reactions to the situation.

Boy was I wrong. My son wants to know things now, things that really aren’t meant for his ears. During these times where I struggle to find the words for our conversations, my ex-husband is the first person I text while simultaneously dialing his mother for assistance.

I am glad to have the support system that I do, especially since the help comes from both sides of my son’s family. I think it’s really important for my son to see that although his parents are divorced, we are still able to work together (they call it co-parenting) and that he has the love and support from not only me and my side of my family, but his dad’s family too.

I can’t conclude this post talking about divorce. We need something happier, like last night’s ice cream cone which my son and I shared at Baskin Robbins.

Baskin Robbins Ice Cream Cone

We went for an evening walk to Dunkin Donuts (which has a Baskin Robbins now) and Monday is free waffle cone night! My son chose chocolate peanut butter ice cream and the new Oreo & Cake flavor <- Highly recommend it 🙂

Previous Reader Questions Answered Posts:

Reader Questions Answered #1 – running, fueling and running shoes talk

Reader Questions Answered #2 – oatmeal chat, tapering and sweating during races

Reader Questions Answered! #marathon #running #divorce #parenting #coparenting #icecream… Click To Tweet

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Are you currently training for a race?

If you haven’t run a marathon yet, do you plan to ever run one?

Ice cream – in a cone or a cup?

 

 

 

 

 

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  • Lisa @ Running Out Of Wine July 28, 2015, 6:30 am

    I am still amazed that you can run so much and have done such high mileage but never a marathon! But you definitely need the have the desire to do it- otherwise it would likely be a miserable experience without that intrinsic motivation!
    It sounds like you have handled the divorce in the best way possible. I guess its to be expected that as your son gets older he has started asking more questions. Glad you are able to get along with your ex and his family!
    While I do enjoy an ice cream cone, I just feel like they are so messy and its way safer for me to eat out of a cup:)
    Lisa @ Running Out Of Wine recently posted…Core Strength For Runners + Weekly Workout RecapMy Profile

    • The Cookie ChRUNicles July 28, 2015, 4:50 pm

      Cones definitely get messy (it certainly did last night)…I know, I know – it’s weird I haven’t run a marathon but I really just don’t want to! Maybe one day I will. Maybe.

  • Susie @ SuzLyfe July 28, 2015, 7:28 am

    When we were walking by the Baskin/Dunkin that is near our apartment the other day I was like OREO CAKE> I might have to confirm your analysis.
    I think that your perspective on your past (ie divorce, but it is an entire past, not just a single event, so I am going to go with past), is so admirable and mature. I mean, you have a son together. You had a life together for years. Grudges and hate and anger are a waste of energy that could be put towards more positive uses. So I totally commend you for that strength!
    Susie @ SuzLyfe recently posted…Believe. Begin Again. Dealing with AnxietyMy Profile

    • The Cookie ChRUNicles July 28, 2015, 4:49 pm

      Thank you 🙂 And yes, the oreo cake flavor is really really nice. I recommend it.

  • Michele @ paleorunningmomma July 28, 2015, 8:14 am

    You are awesome for answering the divorce questions so candidly and your answers I would imagine are inspiring for anyone dealing with a divorce after having a child. As for the marathon, with the mileage and long runs you do, you could probably enter one at any time and get through it just fine!
    Michele @ paleorunningmomma recently posted…Kiqplan App Review – 10k Run ReadyMy Profile

    • The Cookie ChRUNicles July 28, 2015, 4:49 pm

      You sound like my dad about running a marathon, he always tells me all I need is a 18-20 mile long run in my training and I would be fine. I just don’t think I want to!

  • Amanda @ .running with spoons. July 28, 2015, 9:00 am

    I’m the same way when it comes to setting goals or training schedules for myself… I feel like it takes away all the enjoyment for me and actually works in the opposite way that I want it to. I think the main reason I’ve actually been able to stick with running for so long now is because I don’t really time myself or pay attention to the numbers. I can feel myself getting better, and I’m having a good time, so that’s good enough for me. And ice cream in a cone. Always.
    Amanda @ .running with spoons. recently posted…. 14 allergy friendly snacks that won’t leave you missing out .My Profile

  • Jamie July 28, 2015, 9:30 am

    I think it’s great that you are able to have a positive relationship with your ex. Allowing your son to grow up in a positive environment is so beneficial and wonderful. I’m all about ice cream in a cone… go big or go home : )
    Jamie recently posted…#MIMM Where I Did NothingMy Profile

    • The Cookie ChRUNicles July 28, 2015, 4:47 pm

      The really big waffle cones with the chocolate coating and sprinkles around it, the best way to go.

  • Gretchen | Gretchruns July 28, 2015, 9:42 am

    I’m surprised you haven’t run a marathon! I guess I assumed since you run so much that you have. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that (in fact, I don’t’ think I’ll be doing any more after finishing 2..not for me!) so thanks for answering that question. I need a race to train for to get out and run every day, so I have so much respect for you just running without a race to train for. Wish I was more like that!
    Gretchen | Gretchruns recently posted…Upcoming Races, Training, and GoalsMy Profile

    • The Cookie ChRUNicles July 28, 2015, 4:47 pm

      I know I know, I shock people that I haven’t run one – but I really don’t want to! I like my miles as they are, I just don’t care to run 26.2 at a time. Maybe one day I will? I don’t really know!

  • Sarah @pickyrunner July 28, 2015, 10:14 am

    I have several friends and cousins with divorced parents and most of them do get along. In some families, they actually still celebrate major holidays together, even if they are in new relationships. I’ve also seen families where the parents do not get along and it’s so hard on the kids, so I really admire your ability to put your son first. But really, I’m also impressed that you were able to share that ice cream. I would have stolen it and kept it to myself haha
    Sarah @pickyrunner recently posted…A new milestoneMy Profile

    • The Cookie ChRUNicles July 28, 2015, 4:46 pm

      It was his ice cream cone but I knew he wasn’t coming close to finishing it so I came in half way through which was fine because I had already eaten dessert at this point anyway lol. Normally, as you know, I do not share!

  • Shannon July 28, 2015, 11:38 am

    I like ice cream in a cup more. I typically eat soft serve, and you get in a cup! 🙂
    Shannon recently posted…Whole Wheat Blueberry Buttermilk PancakesMy Profile

  • Arman @ thebigmansworld July 28, 2015, 1:48 pm

    Thanks for being candid and open about it- It really brought a new perspective and something I’m currently dealing with myself!
    Arman @ thebigmansworld recently posted…Confessions, Camping Fails and NYC Picnic Day EventMy Profile

    • The Cookie ChRUNicles July 28, 2015, 4:44 pm

      It’s never easy is it, no matter which end of this situation you are in.

  • Morgan @ Morgan Manages Mommyhood July 28, 2015, 2:44 pm

    As a child of divorce, just want to say that you’re doing it right. My parents kept it civil and never talked ill of one another after the divorce and I think that REALLY went a long way to ensure a normal approach to relationships in the future. As for the questions, I suggest just answering what you can/what is appropriate as honestly and openly as you can, and with what he doesn;t need to know just tell say that exactly: that it’s between you and your ex and there are somethings that as grown ups you need to keep between the two of you. Keep up the great work.
    Morgan @ Morgan Manages Mommyhood recently posted…How to Survive a Sick Baby with Your Sanity in TactMy Profile

    • The Cookie ChRUNicles July 28, 2015, 4:44 pm

      Aw thank you. I appreciate this 🙂 You are right, I should just say it’s between us grown ups. Great advice.

  • Alyssa @ Renaissancerunnergirl July 28, 2015, 6:10 pm

    Ice cream makes everything a little brighter! As do sprinkles.

    I feel similarly about running, except I think a marathon is something I’d like to do once in my life just to do it. That’s why I am aiming to get into NYC via the 9+1 program – it’s the one marathon I just feel like I would be so proud to finish, for myself and my city. But I don’t plan to become a consistent marathoner, I think the half is my distance and I’m not big on racing in general. I run for me 🙂
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  • Meghan@CleanEatsFastFeets July 31, 2015, 7:00 am

    Thanks for sharing so much personal and heartfelt stuff. As a child of divorced parents, I know it’s never easy and I think it’s so important for the parents not to talk badly about their ex to the kids because it only complicates things further. It sounds like you guys are doing pretty damn good at coparenting. Kudos to you and your ex.