I caught an episode of Oprah the other day!
Okay so it wasn’t the real Oprah Winfrey Show we remember but it was indeed Oprah doing one of her special episodes on the OWN Network and I was really excited to watch!
Do you ever watch Oprah’s friend Ayanla? She has a show called Ayanla: Fix My Life.
I usually watch Ayanla On Demand which isn’t often because I rarely take the time to sit down and watch television but when I do, it’s all sorts of relaxing and therapeutic.
After watching Oprah, I also watched an episode of Ayanla which really touched me. I can’t stop thinking about it.
It was about a woman, over 650 pounds, who HAD NOT LEFT HER BED IN OVER FIVE YEARS.
That’s right, her bed. Seriously. She did everything from her bed. EVERYTHING if you know what I mean.
I cannot even comprehend being trapped in my bed all day and all night for one day, let alone five years but once you watch the show, you get a glimpse into her life and her reasons.
She became stuck. Both physically and emotionally.
Her weight had trapped her and she kept ignoring it. She had people bring her food thus enabling her completely unhealthy lifestyle.
This woman couldn’t even get out of the house if she wanted to; they needed to call in a construction crew to cut the wall in her bedroom open (because she couldn’t fit through door) when she was ready to leave her home, face her demons and seek help.
Ayanla was there to assist her in being honest with herself in order to see what her weight was doing to her. Not just to her physical health but her emotional health too, not forgetting to address what it has done to those around her.
And while I cannot imagine for the life of me being trapped by the size of my own body and not seeing the outdoors for over five years, I can almost see how such a situation can evolve, spiraling out of control and just, well, happening.
I have never been overweight like that (I was chubby for a few years as a kid but that’s nothing in comparison) but I can relate to getting stuck in another way in my life.
I was stuck for a few years while my marriage was crumbling.
The seasons would change around me but internally I was on pause.
I was a stay at home mom raising my son, doing the class mom/play date thing, fully engaged in Play Doh and Bob The Builder but when my married life suddenly fell into a state of complete confusion, shambles, upside down and terrible — I kept it mostly to myself.
I told two close friends and my cousin (not even my parents) because not talking about it in a sense made it seem like the really bad stuff wasn’t truly happening.
I pretended (and hoped) that it would all be fine.
Looking back, I cannot even believe it. I can’t believe how completely frozen I was in my life which clearly needed some changing–some movement– yet I remained stuck and unable to budge mainly because I would not allow myself to budge.
That’s what happens right? Only when we look back can we see what was taking place and/or what we should have done?
Sometimes now though, I can’t even relate to that whole time period as my own past. Has that happened to you?
Even if you aren’t divorced, even if you aren’t 600 pounds and trapped in your room, maybe something else has happened in your life where you look back and wonder how did you let it happen and how come you no longer relate to it as your own?
I know Amanda has felt this way about her eating disorder past. She knows it happened but it doesn’t even feel like it is her past anymore, it’s like it belonged to someone else.
That’s sort of how I feel about my divorce. I no longer feel those same feelings towards my divorce, I don’t relate to the feelings I felt during those years but I decided what I do feel sometimes, is for the feelings I once had.
I feel more for the girl I once was and what I went through internally than for the actual divorce.
In fact, writing this and reading my own words can bring tears to my eyes but those tears are not for the divorce itself, it’s for what I went through <–am I making sense?
The tears are okay with me. In fact, they are a good thing. They are honest. They are acknowledging. They show life.
I don’t ever want to find myself stuck in any sort of situation in my life again.
Easier said than done of course but if we stay honest with ourselves and completely present in our day-to-day lives, we can figure out how to keep growing from our past experiences to keep moving forward, even when it seems really hard to do.Avoid being stuck by being honest with yourself and growing from your past experiences #divorce #oprah #ayanla Click To Tweet
I know you watched Oprah (didn’t everyone?!) but do you ever watch Ayanla?
Were you ever in the audience for the Oprah Winfrey Show? I wasn’t but always wanted to be! I did get to see the outside of Harpo Studios if that counts!
Have you ever been “stuck”?